... and I'm vaguely happy about it. I'm not a Debbie Downer. You do not know how freaking excited I was for this two-three weeks ago. I was hopping around, asking everyone about their plans, and rounding up people to get a full table. What brought me down? Well, it's a number of things I guess.
1. My friend, we'll call him Emmy, just 'cause I do that anyways, couldn't come 'cause he couldn't rustle up the money. I get it. It's $70 bucks just to go. Now add in suit + a corsage for me (if he was feeling charitable) + a boutonniere (if he wanted to get one) + limo/gas/bus fare, and it adds up to be like $200. And it's not even for his own prom (he's a year older), so I get it. A part of me was really disappointed, though at this point I really shouldn't be. *History moment: Gigantic crush only (barely) ended by the fact that he's actually gay. A total Carly Rae Jepsen moment.
2. However, after he said no, my friend asked me. Now, I like him, he's nice and all, but he lacks any conversation skills. He holds up fine for the "Hi" "Hi" "What's up" "Nothing much" part, but after that, conversation basically dies. He asked at such a random moment, my automatic response was "yes". Though, I'm may just be regretting that knee-jerk reaction at this point... the fact that I don't know what to do as a supposed 'date' makes it a little worse. Do I have to sit with him for the whole 6 hours? Do I have to dance with him? WILL HE EVEN DANCE?
3. I was supposed to go in a limo. But I'm broke. So that makes the night a hell of a lot less 'mystical' and stuff, haha.
This year, I'm definitely taking more pictures. After my eighth grade grad party, I found myself wanting more pictures to capture everything. I've been prepping for my senior prom since ninth grade. I hate that this stuff brought me down, but I know, by at least 9 tomorrow night, I'll be having the time of my life.
... and I'm actually nervous. I don't know why I'm nervous; it's not like prom is my wedding and I'm getting cold feet... but that's exactly what it is to me right now.
Prom is supposedly the biggest night of your high school life, and I'm not even all that excited. To be honest, I'm paranoid as hell about people seeing me in a dress. I've gone through high school looking like a man-beast and I'm pretty sure that I attract more flies than I do guys.
this person for the above photo!
I know the picture is a parody for the whole "other girls vs me" meme that's been circulating on Tumblr, but that's exactly how it is. I'm not a psychotic killer, but I might as well be treated like one. In comparison to quite a few of my friends, I have like the bare minimum amount of friends. While everyone has like over 300 friends on Facebook, I just recently reached 201.
Going back to the paranoia... I've basically been wearing either jeans/sweatpants for the past four years of high school. My tops are always hoodies, tshirts, plaid shirts, or maybe other simple and casual tops and cardigans. So while others go to school looking like a Korean pop stars, I go looking like I was drunk last night and partied so hard with my teddy bears.
Not to mention the fact that I'm fat too. I mean, this isn't a whole, "ohohohoho i tell ppl im fat so dey complimentz me..."
This is a legit argument. I'm overweight. Not to the point that I'm obese, but yes, I am quite fat. Which means that while others are dressed for prom like this:
I'll be there looking like a rhino covering up my fat upper arm and legs. Yup.
Aside from the fact that I'll stand out like a sore thumb, I'm just not feeling prom anymore. A month ago, it was so hyped and I was pretty excited to go. We rounded enough people to fill our prom table and we all got our tickets. But now that it's the night before, I feel iffy. I mean, I paid $70 for an expensive meal, to say the least. I'm not much of a dancer, and just ... bleh?
What I'm hoping for is to just take a lot of pictures with the graduating class and hopefully just to create some nice memories.